Of course, widowers are like other men, but there are still some things to consider before going out with a widower. If you do not want to be shocked or offended on the first date, you will have to read on to know more. Let’s review the standard tips on how to behave on the first date with a widower.
Tips to use when dating a widower
Tip 1. Do not get offended.
First of all, you must not get offended if a widower attempts to hurt you. He might do it without the intention to hurt you. For him, it might be a natural way of behavior. He might probably have behaved this way with his ex-wife. He may not even have a clue that he is hurting you. You should not take it close to your heart then.
Don’t try to ignore if he uses obscene language or plays jokes at you. If it is unacceptable for you, tell him about that directly and see what changes. However, if you feel he did not mean to hurt you, you would better adjust to his manner of behavior.
Getting offended is the worst thing you should do as long as the situation might repeat if you date another widower. Why lose a chance to marry a great person, even with such little peculiarities? You would better accept him the way he is.
Tip 2. Be ready to be compared with his ex-wife.
It may happen that a widower decides to schedule a date with you in a short time after his loss. Therefore, his feelings and wounds might be fresh. It might mean that he has not forgotten his ex-wife yet. You will have to understand it.
Note that if you are dating for several months, but he still compares you to her, you would better ask him to review his behavior. You should not play a supporting role in his life. Explain it to him and tell him that you would prefer not to be compared to anyone because you are unique.
If he does not want to change, you should leave him because he will hardly accept and love you the way you are. Respect yourself and your feelings, letting him know that you care about him but will have to stop dating if he does not change.
Tip 3. Do not ask too many questions about his ex-wife.
Do not do it not to hurt his feelings. He might still be loving his wife deep inside. If you remind him about her, you might touch personal memories and evoke certain emotions. You should never talk about his ex-spouse if only a few months have passed after she passed away.
Keep balance. Try to talk on neutral topics. Talk about himself and yourself primarily. It is your story of love. Build your relationships with no third party in there. Asking too many questions might look rude on the first date. He might also think that he is at an interview with too many questions asked by you. Do not behave as if you were a journalist; you are a lady who listens more than speaks.
Tip 4. Slow down.
Do not push him. Seriously. Even if he is too slow, do not make him nervous. He might look okay but be desperate inside. Try to take it slow and do not rush. Accept him and his current feelings. He might like you, but he might not be ready for a severe romance at the very moment.
You can agree to take a break and not meet up for a few months until he is ready. He will understand and appreciate you more if you are kind to him. There is nothing wrong about him. Either there is nothing wrong about you. Time heals, you know. Take a little pause in your relationships, and it will pay you off later on.
Tip 5. Honor the memory.
You should respect the widower’s past relationships. Of course, there is nothing connected with you, but you should honor the memory of his ex-spouse. Your future relationships directly depend on the relationships that your partner had in the past with her. It is worth mentioning that he will build his future romance based on his experience. In other words, expect him to behave the way he did with his ex-wife as long as he might have a kind of a specific pattern in his mind.
If you like him, you would accept it and continue your relationships. Be wise and do not let this awesome guy go away, even if he has not forgotten his ex yet. Respect his late wife and do not say anything wrong about her not to touch his feelings and keep the brightest and most positive memories about her.
Tip 6. Inspire him to move on.
He might get stuck in the past. You should evoke a man in him. Dress up nicely and smile at him. Motivate him. Inspire him to turn the page and begin to live a new life with you. He must feel that he is free to select a partner he wants. Do not impose your opinion on him. He must feel free as a bird.
Give him freedom. Let him spread his wings, figuratively speaking. Talk about neutral things. Choose the topics he likes. In other words, try to do that motivates him to move on to further relationships. Make him take a breath and decide to live a happy life with someone else. No matter whether it is you or someone else. He must feel that he has a choice to select from.
Tip 7. Watch out for red flags.
Generally speaking, dating a widower may be safe, but there might be several red flags to consider. If you notice a few of the mentioned warning signs, you would better stop dating immediately. What are these signs?
First of all, he might try to hide you from the rest of his family and friends. If he does this way, he is not serious about you, and the only thing he wants from you is to comfort him. It is the truth of life. Secondly, if he keeps on comparing you to his ex-wife, telling that she did this or that better, you should not continue dating. It might mean that he does not accept you the way you are, and he never will.
Tip 8. Do not provide a free therapy session.
Some men might try to use you. To be more precise, they would like to use your ears. Such widowers tend to talk a lot about themselves, their grief, and do not care about your reaction. They just keep on complaining and complaining, not letting you even have a chance to say a word. You should keep in mind that you are not a psychologist, and he did not pay you for a therapy session. Stop his attempts to use your ears.
Tip 9. Realize that widowers might be excellent partners.
He might be in grief, but it does not mean that it will last forever. The thing you should keep in mind is that he will forget his ex-wife one day and it is possible you might be near to him. Widowers may be perfect partners if you accept them with their grief at first. Do not lose your temper if he still reminds you that he is thinking about his lost spouse. Be patient, and wait for the right time to come.
Tip 10. He might use you if you do not set boundaries.
Widower, like any other man, wants to have sexual relationships. Just because he is a widower, it does not suppose he does not want to get closer physically. In other words, he might just take advantage of you if you do not set boundaries.
It is not only boundaries connected with physicality. You should remind him that you do not want and are not interested in talking about his ex. Be honest and straightforward with him, and do not let him cross your boundaries if they are vital for you.
Tip 11. You will not fill the void from the loss.
There might be a void inside of him that the loss left. Keep in mind that you are not God to help him fill it. He should do it himself. Try to motivate him to find the answers to his questions and release his pain and grief. Do not let him go if he is too focused on his ex.
Note that you should be a woman and do not even try to be a leader in your relationships. If he does not want to take responsibility, do not push him. Analyze whether you feel okay when dating him and split up if you think you are not happy with him. His grief might not last forever. Wait as much as possible till he recovers.
Tip 12. He might prefer widows.
Some widowers might prefer dating widows because they should have experienced the same problems as men did. Such men think that widows will understand their vulnerability and wounds. They believe widows will better understand the way they feel if compared to ordinary women.
If you feel like it does not work out with a widower, you might ask him directly whether he would like to date someone else. Wait for his answer to decide whether to proceed with your relationships further.
Tip 13. Do not expect too much from him.
Building serious relationships is a skill that a widower has, for sure. However, he might not use this skill for the first time after his ex-spouse passed away. He should forget her at least and understand that he needs to build alternatively new relationships. He might be confused at first, but later on, he will realize that he already has a skill in it.
Do not get upset if he does not bring flowers or give you a gift. He might not do it because he may feel that he betrays his ex-wife. Wait for some time till he cools down.
Tip 14. Discuss the future.
Dating a widower, you can ask him about his plans for the future. If he plans to marry a woman, it is a good sign for you. If he looks suspicious and not willing to answer such questions, watch out!
A man must be honest and sincere with you. Do not let him use you just because he feels alone. You are not supposed to please his sexual desires if he does not plan to marry you. Discussing future plans will help you clarify the situation and have more peace of mind.
Tip 15. Open your heart.
If you like him and it seems that he likes you, nothing can stop you. Open your heart and tell him about your feelings when he is close to you. Ask him to describe the way he feels about you. Do not hide your feelings and be shy. Both of you should be aware of what another person feels and expects from these relationships. Who knows, maybe you have found the love of your life, but perhaps you need more time and experience to do it.
Summing up, your happiness is in your hands. If you enjoy spending time with a widower, it is okay. Widowers are good in love and romance because they have some valuable experience, you know. However, do not waste your time if you notice some of the red flags mentioned above. Good luck!